growing up in the woods

“Here be Dragons” book title. . . Mean mom’s raise mean daughters…. My parents divorced before I was eight. Whenever I came home from my dad’s and said I had a great time, my mom would be depressed in beds for days. So I always came home lying about my experience. . .When I learned about the lies and understood my trauma I wrote a book about it and asked my dad to read the book, as my mom had died already. 

Wow, I was in tears listening to this. I finally called them to order the books for my kids. Celeste took my call got the addresses and told me the books would be out there in 7-10 days. She also asked if I needed one for myself as well. And I really didn’t think so, but now I sorta wonder. I have to plan another meeting for Friday after mass and our prayer group to speak about another counselor. Wow, a counselor for me. Sure PTSD and deaths and trauma forever it seems. But that is really “par for the course.” It seems like we all have trauma. And those who don't accept it, or refuse to learn and understand, are really setup for more and more trauma.

I guess that was where I started my day and where my prayers and focus began. And now it's really so incredible I’m just dumbfounded!

Rebellion against God is the oldest, the worst, and the most destructive of sins. It kills those who are caught by it. We are living in an age that has romanticized that rebellion and that views disobedience to God as the highest virtue. As a result, when we take a stand on true obedience, we will find ourselves at odds with much of our world. But there is nothing new in that for the Christian man. “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you” (John 15:18-19).

Yesterday at the prayer group at Lisette’s it was so weird. I usually sit and read the Divine Chaplet lesson instead of chatting with the ladies in the kitchen. But this time when I got my cup of coffee, I kinda hung out and chatted with the ladies in the kitchen. And so someone was asking me about being barefoot. And she said that she could never be barefoot because she’s always stubbing her toe. And then the other lady said:  “Oh that’s what always happens to me too. I can’t go barefoot or else I hurt my feet.”  And then they asked me about stubbing my toes.

So I said, well I have a secret method of “never stubbing my toe.” And so they all said, now you gotta tell us your secret. I really didn’t want to say a word, but they kept asking me to share my secret. So finally, I said, I had died in high school and I didn’t want to come back. So when Jesus convinced me to come back, I told Him that we had to come up with a secret method to get my attention, and remind me to listen to get things done. I mean, we all know our world is filled with BS, and so if He really wanted me to get something done, I had to get some secret symbol, so I could listen to Him when it was really important. So I told him OK, the only way I was gonna come back to do what He wanted, was that I wasn’t gonna tolerate any airy fairy stuff. I mean, I didn’t want any Angels, or Saints bothering me all the time. So if He wanted me to do something here and now, we needed to come up with some secret physical symbol to remind me if I wasn’t listening, “here and now!” Yes, He had to give me a signal, so I listened to Him. And so I told Him to stub my toe, if I wasn’t listening. And so now I never stub my toe, unless I’ve got something to DO for Him, and I’m not listening. 

Course, the ladies were speechless. . .  You think common sense would step in, and I would go hide somewhere. . . . But no I continued and told them how I remember one time when I was with my kids and I told my daughter. “Hey, I stubbed my toe, Jesus wants us to do something.” And she didn’t believe me. I was like really I did, and she’s like nope, that never happens.

I can’t believe I said all that . . . . And like I couldn’t do anything crazier, and so I snapped a pic of this page and sent it to her.  And of course, I’m rereading this again and again I wonder about this experience with Emily.  We were always listening to Jesus. And I was always listening to Emily, wanting her to keep the love a flow of Jesus alive in her, so I was always trying to flow with her.  Of course, now I wonder if I was expecting or pushing too much on her.

We all want to control everything you are and what you do, values, behaviors, actions: character in Christ is the only way to stay in our deepest truths,

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What thought, focus, habit, character, lead to the destiny of making thoughts all of god!

I wonder now . . . I’ve only started making my thoughts more centered on God to create new habits.

It’s been a lot longer than that! Remember the experience with the Men’s Fraternity class of Consecration to Mary and you recognized the same voice inside of you again. Here you had the active consecration to Saint Mary and discovered this active experience of speaking with Her. You recognized the same voice led you through the woods in NJ.  You have shared multiple times about “growing up in the woods,” and that real experience you had. You have spoken about talking to the trees and being guided in everything. Now you have learned how the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Ghosts is always with you. Hearing the Saints and Angels is equally valid and powerful as they are all sent and supported by God.

I get it, so I’ve been with you all the time. So why did I get into so much trouble?

It’s been your choice! You have witnessed “not listening.”  Your request about stubbing your toe was about “listening when we needed something done.”  You still had free choice, and still you are able to do or not do whatever you like. As you’ve learned you were asking Saint Michael to protect you for years. You’ve recognized how you were able to walk through walls and do most anything for years. This ability brought temptations that were equally powerful. Yes, the story of the Talents again, those you are given great power, are given greater responsibility to match it.

So I had the Power of Saint Michael protecting me from everything, and chose to exploit it for selfish reasons that inevitably got me into a lot of trouble

Yes this was your rebellion against God, until you died and returned as the Prodigal Son ready to Give Everything to Christ!

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.