OK, so I started SEEL again and I ran through the chapters to the first readings. And I remember that I’ve written this up before, so I decided to go back and read what I’ve written last time. Of course, it was essentially a year ago. And I just had my first bike accident, broken ribs and new job in September. So it was sort of like a twilight zone reading it over again, because it put me in exactly the same space again.
What’s weirder than anything? Is that as I got this Engineering offer? I also had three or four other jobs open with USF. Of course, the inspiration was to find a job there for me now, but I just applied for. So it’s so strange because I’m sore and stiff with broken ribs again, and I haven’t been able to do any exercises at all yet. And the dates are almost the same and the exercises are almost the same. And of course, I noticed that I had the wrong Bible verse last time so now I’m reading the right Bible verse Isaiah 43:1-7.
And once again, it is just so strong, right in my face about who I am, or what I do. Dr. Rafi Moves Rivers: Moses and Me! It’s not like anything new for me. I always have everything in my face. I mean, I’ve been trying to do the same thing all my life. Every chance I get, I try to change people! Try to change perspectives, try to change understanding. Even trying to help people eat right, and healthy, and get them to change their diet. I know my life has always been about changing others. It’s funny because I even had this in the comments, about being in the woods.
I mean, I literally wrote up yesterday about being in the woods. How much understanding and knowledge came from seeing God’s Perspective everywhere. I mean, that seems like such a big deal to ask for God‘s Perspective. Give me a break, we are made in God’s Image, why wouldn’t we wanna have God‘s Perspective? I mean it’s like common sense, we should all be there all the time. So I’m wondering what He’s got planned for me now. I just gonna keep on teaching or am I gonna end up doing something completely different again.
I Always like to say it’s up to God, and I go along with whatever He wants me to do. But then He throws things in my face, that you know I need to respond to. Oh, like another job at USF, of course it’s perfect for me. You think I’ll finally get hired?!?
NI was so surprised to get hired at St Pete College. And I can tell they really like my work because of how much they’ve done for me already. So I wonder how long I’ll stay there. I really wonder what God‘s got planned for me!?!? You always seems to have some crazy things going on behind the scenes!?!
It’s like I’m always peeking behind the curtain because the Wizard likes me Watching what He’s doing. Sometimes I even think I’m like “shadowing,” to learn how to do it all by myself. Which, of course, is intimidating as shit. Like how can I handle doing anything more myself?
We have this all set perfect for you to learn to ask for direction and guidance. You always ask for strength, love and wisdom which has gotten you far, but now seeking the presence of God in each moment is necessary. . . the contemplation and discussion of each moment together!I woke with a real crazy dream again. This time I was riding my bike on this trail. And I noticed they had redone this trail along the creek. So I turned in and followed this trail. I was going along and suddenly the trail vanished and I came to this big boulder and stopped and I was like dammit I don’t know why I didn’t turn around and go back because the trail filled up with water or something. Something happened behind me and so I was at this big boulder at the end of this trail. I don’t know why I decided to climb to the top of the boulder. I grabbed my bike, and I was hanging the bike off the edge and started climbing up this rock and as I climbed up, I realized that it was like entering this office park or office building on the other side.
I was like how the hell am I gonna get around this? You know, here I thought I was on a known trail, that picked up right away and so I was like in this river gorge and it was filling up with water. So I climbed on the rock with my bike and I saw this office park right up next to me and so I jump down and dropped my bike by this window and opened up the window, looked inside and saw this lady sitting at her desk and and she just looked at me. It was like she was busy and recognize that I was there in trouble but she couldn’t do anything and was like hold on. Looking at me like: You don’t need to come in yet or don’t do anything yet and it was funny because she was busy and doing whatever work she had to do dealing with her boss or dealing with other people and she knew I was trying to hold off.
She didn’t want anybody else to see me or something, and it was really kind of weird because I was watching her work and she was dealing with other people and being very careful not to let anybody else in her office, walking out and talking to people and walking out and doing this and doing that, and it was funny so she was out in the hallway or something, and I climbed in and sitting on the other side of her desk and she was looking at me and smiled, and it was funny because you could tell she was busy and she was dealing with other people and the darkness that somebody else was in and I started to climb over the desk and and she knew what I was gonna do, but she didn’t want to take the chance of somebody walking in or something while I did it so she went out again and I jumped over the desk. It was just such a weird experience because I kept looking around and seeing all these people in her office working and busy and trying not to be obvious that I was there or anything. What a weird dream.
6:47 AM, 1020 32024. I woke up with another dream this time I was making an estimate to clean out peoples houses. Still doing a hurricane repairs it was kind of weird. Very vivid, very specific. Am I doing this now?
Well, let's begin with prayer. In The Name the father and the Son and the Holy Spirit Amen. Heavenly father help us to embrace a life of love relationship and service with You.
Help us to see your creation through your eyes. and live out our lives based on how you see all things. Help us to suffer through, being a part of the secular world that does not believe or embrace you help us to compartmentalize and exercise detachment help us to learn how to detach and become indifferent to people who embrace the secular life. help us to stay dedicated to the spiritual path. Give us the strength and encouragement to persevere. Help us to be open and receptive, staying connected to you and your guidance and your grace. we pray these things in your most loving son's name, Amen
The reason to identify your desire. Well, let me remind you of a quote from Ignatius that I know we've talked about before. And Ignatius says, our deepest desires are where we and God meet.
What is remarkable is that you have come full circle again. It's like Drema told you years ago. You have a very specific purpose and place here to change things that only you can do. And now again you are full-circle back to the same place and same challenge again. How do you seek to create Life? How do you seek to express? What is your Highest Calling? What is your Deepest Desire?
What happened?
I got up and was there for the sunrise yesterday and today. As I watched the sun break the horizon yesterday, this really pretty girl walked by with her black Labrador and sat on the bench there on the right. Eventually some other guy approached her and thay chatted a while. But she stayed there alone, and sat through my whole morning yoga. I kept thinking I'd ask her if she ever considered starting a business.
WHAT? I thought? Me another business? and I knew she had her shit-together. Happy well behaved dog, long dark hair, with her fit clean form. Sure I could do anything with a lady like that around me. Yes, the same as Maryanne and Kathy. But what business would I do now? It's funny, I realized the best blessing Kevin gave me was just showing up. I was so excited to have a guest, I vacuumed and mopped the tile and cleaned it all every time he visited. And I guess I did that for every AirBnB guest as well. What about the girl?
I know, I'm still a man. I think it's time to shave and look civilized again to see who I can meet. I know you always only send me Angels. And I know you have wanted me alone.
We have all your attention, and you read and focus only on growing Spirit. . . and growing in your yard. And what else
I know, this morning I brought a towel to the sunrise. And then got up and walked down the path to my mangrove planting. Most of the seagrass was destroyed but there were a lot of new sprouts already. It was weird as some raincoat was buried in the sand there where I dug the very first time. So I tried to dig it out. Wow, I worked for a while, sore and tired I decided to swim instead. Course then I picked up Mangroves and planted them. I even planted a coconut. Course I saw an Osprey that was chirping over my head as I passed by. . .
What else?
I saw a big Horseshoe crab. . . ALIVE, and breeding, that I've never seen there before! So Of course, I immediately thought of doing a special ABB course to plant mangrove and train kids. . . I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.
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