clear and comfortable going

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word ! Ah baby changes everything. so I realize I’m a little kid again playing with the toys. I always wanted in my whole life. Well, I guess I made it myself because there’s only one life here. So God created God for God.

We just haven’t figured this out yet so we think we’re going to set an alarm wrong. wow what is your incredible as hell? I am perplexed by all this technology, and it just keeps coming at me from every direction. It’s like another world that I live in. And I know I serve so much to do. I know I gotta get up in the morning then I can swim, what is the Weeknd doing and I almost 40 hours this week . . . 

I love this experience so much. I’ve got to get more done, every day!

It’s going to get intense again. I can feel it coming. I guess that’ s

I Love You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I Love You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I Love You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah to the writer of the words. . . On TheJoyFM.com @ 10:23 12/7/23

What are you doing now? 12:42 11/23/2023

I can’t even count how many holidays I’ve spent alone! I’m always grateful for this experience with You Dear Jesus. But I never understand the next steps. You are always pushing me for more, and then you feed me so well and take such good care of me. Like now, I cooked a pound of Shrimp. Yes, cleaned wild shrimp, with my hot salsa. And I keep hearing the wine. 

What we are saying, is sure have some wine with your lunch. It’s part of the celebration of being clear and grateful for this experience and gift before you. 

I’m always stunned by these gifts from You! I’m not sure why being alone is a gift. I know I can sleep in the hammock out in the sun. Or Bike around the city to see if anything is open, or anyone is around. I really don’t care, and would rather go to sleep in my bed or in the bathtub full of epson salt.

We have told you before, that you were getting ready for a lot. And you have recognized how important your own reconciliation is in this process before you.  

I get it, and it’s all steps in the process! And I realize being alone to chat with You is also part of my process.

What we have set before you is to get you more “religious.” Yes, religion beyond the spiritual energy you feel and live is the conscious connection to others in love and respect. Religion is about the church and community. Honoring traditional principles opens more clarity and freedom in your spiritual practices. As you are finding with SEEL, the experience in your own exercises allows a stronger more focused relationship with everyone around you. These exercises and challenges bring you closer together in spirit and love.

I get it. I’ve sat on my magnetic mat before the alter to rest in my room. The breeze through this house has really been awesome. I’m cleaning out my office and resetting things all around as I go. I replanted some mangroves and found more seeds to plant. The seed beds outside have been scavenged by a rat, squirrel or mouse! I’m not sure what to do but replant, tend, and keep trying. It’s weird as I never have had so much house in my life. And it’s all to myself. 

What you have is a gift from your mother. You set of mothers who have all passed to share this time with you. It’s always about you growing, and forgiving, and learning, and sharing. Everything is about you stepping into a stronger place of love and freedom.

I get it. I’ve got to get my truck fixed, and it’s not going to be any fast easy process! Nothing ever seems like a fast easy process for me anymore. I guess I witnessed to the Men’s Welcome Group and that was easy as I wrote up an outline and stepped into all the different aspects. 

What about this brought you closer to reconciliation?

I guess it was recognizing how I’ve always gone through these cycles with you. Working hard and strong in something specific you set before me and then completing some major aspect, where I’m given some extended period of peace and quiet. Sitting alone now, makes me wonder what the next step into some major challenge will be. I know that reconciliation will sorta clear the slate between us.

Yes, this is what it is all about. You need to leave behind all the demands and challenges you created in New Jersey. Yes, you were a Prodigal and came back for very specific reasons. Bringing forth the child you had invited into your life was important, and the efforts you made around them set the stage for so much more. This was completed, and you have moved on. Releasing those limitations you demanded to keep you focused are necessary now.

I get it. And I’m not sure how to make this work for me.I know it’s about the reading You have set before me, both in SEEL and in Welcome. This reconciliation is both about seeing my sins, where I stepped down from the virtues and gifts of the spirit. I see and recognize how lucky I’ve been in maintaining my “cardinal virtues” of prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance. And I seed how these gifts have been my strengths for a long time. Standing strong with a family filled with conflicts and struggles. Sure I was abused, insulted and humiliated most of my life. And it seems that this strengthened these virtues as I continued to grow and express myself through all of these.

I have acknowledged how these challenges of youth were a big part of what made these elements so strong for me. And now I’ve been lead to open the Ignatian Adventure book that I’ve been reading for SEEL, and this verse put me in tears. Luke 7:47 “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little!”  And this feels like the many gifts I’ve been given. And again I recognize I Have so much to be thankful for, and again I wonder what could be next for me. 

I’ve had my truck stuck at the office for the last few days. Yesterday, I called around to check about getting it fixed and found someone who understood what I was dealing with and knew my truck ready to fix it. This morning I biked to work and called my insurance company for a tow of my truck. They told me about the same price as I heard at work. And I’m confident it was be working fine when I get it back. It feels good to get my truck fixed. I’m still perplexed by everything I have at hand. I try to stay in my spirit and focused about my tasks and goals. 

I’m tired of having strangers in my house. I’m not happy about this, nor do I respect those who are taking advantage of me. It’s really gotten annoying. And I know I need the extra cash, but I’m tired of it. I’ve been wondering about selling my house. I know I could get almost twice what I paid for. I mean my deposit was enough for a new truck and a new airstream camping trailer to live in. I wouldn’t have any cash left over for gas or anything. But I honestly considered it, just to escape all that I have around me now. 

Now again to sell my home means buying the biggest, best truck and trailer with cash for gas and travels lasting years. Not that I need to escape anything, or dealing with my mortgage or bankruptcy or whatever I have before me is completely crazy. I’ve always been able to come out ahead, and I know Jesus always is watching out for me. I never know what could be next and never seem to care. I mean, Jesus always has these challenges that show up and I’m never ready and always surprised, but still end-up ahead or winning whatever it is.

What this is, is the prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance that you spoke of before! Stepping into things requires these steadfast and immovable which prepares you for more. As You have read and heard before to those with great gifts, are given great responsibilities. 

I’m in pain and frustrated, my keyboard on my iPad is not working anymore. Which really sucks. I do have to much to do.... More just cleaning and taking care of things around my house. I love this house. Maybe because it's filled with my mom or maybe because it's be such a wonderful gift from her. I don't like being alone, and I don't feel I can do anything productive here. It's really annoying more than anything. 

I have always been loving and productive all my life. And I feel like it's brought me here, but this is nothing but being alone and feeling sorry for myself.

What did you do today?

I Finished my confession and rescinded all my demands that I placed for you when you brought me back as a prodigal. It is with Father Jonathan, who helped me all along. So I was clear and comfortable going through everything that I’ve had to confess. Thank you, Lord Jesus I love you.

What this does is open new things for you. You’ll be able to experience more and understand more because we won’t be as limited as you had made it before.

I know its about starting a new life and accepting my responsibility at a new level because I know you have so much more for me to do and I’m a young kid again so it’s gonna be fun

I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.