2/9/22 12:20pm It's a new space and a new beginning. I'm totally perplexed as usual, but see how I'm back to the same place again. I was challenged to accept unemployment and the collection of Covid benefits given to me and the struggled to stay focused and accept this wonderful gift I was given. But then I thought that I had to work or do something to make ends meet. And now, it seems that is not what is before me, I seem to be able to survive and live very well by only doing the Airbnb spaces I have set up here already. I don't know why I am back here on my own able to relax and write as only I know I can.
2/11/22 10:37:39am. I started to use the pen and iPad, which really worked fine, but was somehow limiting. I was annoyed with the typo's and not being able to correct the one letter that was off. I'm still on the Apple BETA, but they still refuse to return the "arrowkeys" to any keyboard, which I consistently complain about. And I know there is something more happening here. When I lost my Tampa house, job and wife I was convinced everything was over for me. Dawn pulled me out of this, showing me how much power and focus was still within reach. I went through a collection of MindValley Courses, which reminded me of leaving Maryanne, who wanted my baby in NJ. Yes, After Maryanne I was back home and could see how easily I could shift anything, which was also happened with Dawn as well.
When I left Maryanne and suddenly saw how my all but "supernatural abilities" that had prepared me to move to Tampa, helping my dad move into a new city in 1983. Then lost my Tampa house, job and wife gave me the same start helping my dad move again in 2017. Listening and learning from him, as I never had before. We said prayers together and worked together, as friends helping each other. What an incredible blessing. Suddenly seeing how I could easily shift everything again. I discovered my power on my own in 1983 to move my dad. And then again in 2017 moving my dad again to discover my power on my own again.
How has all this prepared me for now? I thought I needed a job, prayed for one, and was hired. Only to discover that it was not where I belonged. It was easy to get in and setup everything almost completely to bring me to St. Pete. But there was no passion, no power, no focus in the job. No one listened to me, no one understood, so there really was no place for me, and soon I was gone again, alone here at home wondering why, or what could be next.
2/12/22 1:45:23pm. I have cried out to Kim, and would like to call out to Dawn as well. I don't expect any answers from either of them. There are a few others I can call out to as well. But I'm really just wanting to cry, and reaching out to anyone with this intention is not fair to anyone. So I know my Mom protected me for my first 20 years before Tampa. I learned how to see a Dome of Light around me. I learned to see into people, but not get caught-up in their energy. I learned to talk with Animals and move light and energy all around everywhere. I could easily move things and shift all sorts. I would always joke how I could walk through walls and be completely invisible, where no one could see me at all. This certainly made my childhood entertaining, but was not something I would readily share with anyone.
Nor was it really something I could fully comprehend.
2/13/22 10:18:18am When I came to Tampa with these experiences of a Relationship with God moving my dad. Then came to St. Pete knowing this deeper Relationship with God, again after moving my dad. Then only to have everything I knew collapse. I was protected again and watched over, exactly as I still seem to be now. I wonder how I will pay bills, and make a mortgage payment. But as usual the cash always shows-up exactly as needed. Not too much, or too early, but exactly as needed only moments before it's too late. This seems to have happened all my life. I was never "without" in NJ, or Tampa, or now St. Pete. Nor could I count how many times the random insurance refund showing-up exactly the amount needed for a mortgage, car payment or whatever seeming calamity was moments away.
Now, I've come to accept this. First it was the Covid scenario, where I was given unemployment benefits and more, and more benefits as the world spinned-out-of-control. I was perplexed how much I was able to experience and enjoy my beingness, privacy, space and freedom completely "exempt" from all that's around me. And I'm perplexed knowing that this freedom and time to explore and understand my place is really critical for whatever is next. I was alone after Maryanne for months, before something else opened up before me. Then after Kim, I was alone again for a few years wondering what could possibly be next. Then I arrived in St. Pete and within a very short time, I was thrust into the loneliness again not sure what I could be preparing for, but again completely "exempt" from the chaos and challenges all around me.
This last scenario with Covid has had me more alone than ever before. More perplexed with nothing for years. Does this current scenario mean something more than ever before? I've never been more fully alone. When Maryanne left, I had to appease my father, and relearn my place. When Kim left, I again was appeasing my father trying to relearn my place. But this time in St. Pete there is no one to appease, but my own personal peace and comfort. I feel very much at ease, doing things only as necessary.
It is perplexing, but I know I'm safe. I know everything is right and there is nothing out of place. I see so much of you mom all around me. I get a sense of being the child hiding in the woods of NJ again. I have no need to please anyone, I don't have to appease my father, nor prepare for a child, a degree, or some other responsibility that our culture or society imposes onto me. Its just me relaxing into my own space, which I open to others who need a place to stay. I first got this home feeling I could welcome my children and family whenever any of them needed a place to stay or an escape, vacation or whatever.
My son and his sweetie has been my only visitors. My daughter or other family anywhere have no need or desire to accept my hospitality. This might be what I'm waiting for as something might be breaking down somewhere out there that has no impact on me directly, but places people in need. I felt like I had gotten sick and really never did much of anything about it. I slept more, and relaxed more, and ate more goodies than usual. But again the overbearing sense of peace and ease is really all around me. I don't feel guilty about it nor do I feel some need to do or prove something more.
Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!
What we have said along is still true. Knowing you have peace and ease allows you freedom to accept and help those in need around you. It's not something beyond your understanding, time, or experience. However, the Love and Joy you find so easily in each moment is more critical than ever.
I can be at peace with this too. Love and joy is easy to share. I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ.
